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My Neighbor, Pinkie Pie - Case I - Act I
"Hello, you wanted to see me sir?" "Yes. Your little stunt nearly cost me my leg. Perhaps even my life." "I-I'm sorry. It won't happen again." "You've got that right. You're fired." "I understand. I'll turn in my ID tomorrow morning." "I'm afraid that won't be necessary." "What are you talking about? I-is that a gun?" "Just bought it. Now I couldn't be in good conscience if I left a walking disaster area alone, could I?" "Sir, I—I'm sorry!" A gunshot fired. ***************** I woke up on the couch. My head was pounding from last night's endeavors. What they were I don't know. The harder I tried to think about them the more my head decided to hurt. The first thing I noticed past my blurred vision were multicolored balloons. The ground was covered with streamers. In the corner was a spilled punch bowl staining my carpet. I would have kept looking at the tornado around me if a crunching sound didn't break my concentration. I looked to see Pinkie Pie sitting on my recliner. "Pinkie, what are you doing in my house!?" I groaned. "Eating cereal." I wiped away some of the previous night from my face. Sure enough Pinkie was sitting on my recliner eating cereal. I was pretty sure that I didn't even have cereal, but whatever. The next logical question would be how she got into my house, but judging from the scenery she probably never left. Speaking of the scenery, "what the hell happened last night?" "Maybe it's better if you don't know," Pinkie giggled, "that way you can keep some of your dignity." I rolled off of the couch and landed on something hard. The television turned on. The remote. Great. Some news broadcast was playing. I reached out behind my back and pulled out the remote. I looked around the room, trying to connect the dots. The more that I pieced together the more that I realized I didn't want to know. I got up, and ran to the bathroom. Something needed to come out, and I didn't know which end it was going to come through. In the bathroom I leaned over the toilet and only then did I get an eye full of some sort of stuffed alligator. I grabbed it and that thing came to life and tried to bite my arm. I threw it across the room and it barreled into the wall. It slid down towards the floor, keeping its same dead-eyed stare on me. "Wow Jack, you are a riot," said a voice from the bathtub. Her head was resting on the edge of the tub. It was a pony with a rainbow-colored mane. If I ever knew her name, I didn't know it now. "Did you spend all night in my bathtub?" I demanded, switching my attention back and forth between her and that alligator thing on the floor. "Eh maybe," she said, nonchalantly, "don't really remember though." "You and me both," I said. The pounding returned to my head. "Right," she said, rolling her eyes, "and that thing on your neck is just a bruise. You know what you did." I panicked and looked in the bathroom mirror. About a couple of seconds before I found out that there was nothing there, she hit the porcelain, laughing hysterically. I picked her up, much to her chagrin, and kicked open the bathroom door. Pinkie Pie was still eating cereal and watching television. I gritted my teeth. "Hey Pinkie! Does this belong to you?" I asked. "Oh hey Rainbow! I didn't know you were here!" "Funny thing about that. I didn't know she was here either," I shot. Then I looked Rainbow in the eye. "Are you going to walk out of here, or am I going to have to carry you out of here?" "You know what, I'm feeling lazy. Why don't you carry me," she said, and she gave me a cheeky grin. Well she did ask for it. I grabbed her tail and held her upside down as I made my way to the front door. She struggled to escape my grip, waving her hooves and wings around like crazy. Pinkie didn't even notice. She was far too focused on the television. I opened my front door and got hit by the bright sun shining on my face. I used my hand to block out the sunlight and saw something that caused my expression to falter. "Is that your underwear hanging from the power lines?" Rainbow asked. I didn't answer, leading her to burst out laughing once again. I let go of her tail and she banged her head on the concrete stoop. Before I could hear her cursing me out, I went back into the house and locked the door behind me. She began to kick at the door. Each pound felt like it shot straight at my migraine. I walked back up into my house. Either she'd break the door, or she'd get tired of it eventually. I really didn't care. I picked up the punch bowl and the remote, and turned off the television. "Hey, turn that back on!" Pinkie shouted, practically panicked. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you watching my TV in my house while I was picking up what I can only presume is your mess?" "I'll help you clean it up later, but please, turn it back on!" I decided to oblige her. The television turned on. It was just a brief announcement about some pony—Cloudkicker, I think her name was. She had apparently gone missing. People and ponies go missing all the time. I don't know why this was so much of a concern to her. Still, she looked entranced by it. "Do you know this pony?" I asked. "Yeah, I mean, not well, but still, I talked to her just a few days ago. Do you think that she's...?" Pinkie began, unable to finish. "It's too soon to tell. She's only been missing for one day, right? There could have been any number of things that could be happening. She could have passed out in an alley somewhere," I said, reaching for the first thing in my mind. The look that Pinkie shot me made me realize that I probably should have been more tactful. "I don't think she would have done that. She's got a filly. I remember the two of them going into the bakery together. I couldn't imagine her drinking. Something terrible must have happened. You've got to investigate!" "Isn't that something that the police would do?" "They won't." "What? Why not." "They don't," Pinkie said, dejectedly. Her eyes fell to the floor. "What do you mean?" I said, becoming increasingly worried of what I was uncovering. "'People are our priority,'" she said sarcastically. "They don't take us seriously, at least, not until it's too late. Please, you've got to investigate. I-I'll pay you myself." "You do know that I'm a homicide investigator, not a private investigator, right?" I said. That made me realize that I was most likely extremely late for work. However, a brief glimpse at my watch told me that it was Sunday. I tapped it to make sure it was working before I breathed my sigh of relief. "Well, maybe you'll investigate in about a month or so after the police are cleaning out their backlog," she said, staring out my window. We sat there, totally still in silence for a couple of moments. "Tell me everything you know about Cloudkicker," I sighed. She ran over and tried to hug me. I stopped her and pointed to the random debris strewn about my house. She stopped and nodded. I sat down on the couch and thought about what I had just agreed to. My head was still pounding. Was I really in my right mind? I looked to Pinkie Pie who was running around the house with a vacuum cleaner and that alligator-thing on her head. I decided that the best way to figure out where you're going is moving forward. "Where does Cloudkicker live? The first thing we should do is ask her family everything that they know." It was a long drive. It was a very long drive. If it wasn't Pinkie Pie fiddling with the radio, it was her trying to grab the wheel to get us to stop for a soda. You'd think that I wouldn't have to remind her—repeatedly—that she asked me out of desperation to investigate into a missing pony's case. Then again, she did slam down on the breaks in front of Cloudkicker's apartment complex. I sat in the car for a few minutes, just staring at that pink nightmare. I tried to look through those eyes to figure out what was going on in that head of hers. It was probably safe to say that the hamster turning the gears in her brain wasn't running at full speed. I got out of the car and she followed along with a spring in her step. I stood in front of the building. Looking up I saw a face pressed against a closed window. It was hard to make out more than a lavender blur, but I could assume that it was Cloudkicker's daughter looking out into the distance waiting for her mother to return. I shook my head. If I wanted to get this over with quickly I'd have to keep those thoughts from clouding my mind. Pinkie practically knocked down the door as she charged into the building. Even at a breakneck pace I couldn't keep up with her. I was winded by the time we hit the third floor landing, and she was still dashing down the halls. She began to furiously bang on the door. It was like she had just remembered what might have been at stake after a period of totally forgetting about it. That lavender blur opened the door, and thinking back to the news report she did have a resemblance to Cloudkicker. I made my way into the apartment and was instantly hit with a foul smelling gas. I looked around quickly and saw a pot on a stove. It was boiling over with green goop and the bottom of it had been stained black by the fires below. I ran over to the stove and turned it off before something decided to explode. With that relief I could see that the rest of the apartment wasn't doing much better. Random newspapers, receipts, and a bunch of other junk littered the floor. The wallpaper was beginning to peel, and now that the smell of burnt metal was starting to disperse an even worse odor was coming from the fridge. I didn't even want to know what was coming from that. The filly stared at me. "Mom said not to turn off the stove!" she shouted at me. "She-she said she'd be right back! She'll be right back!" "When did she—" I began before Pinkie tackled me. She had her hoof across my mouth and looked deeply into my eyes as if she was trying to send me some kind of signal. Whatever it was, I wasn't getting it. I pushed Pinkie off of me, but she would not relent. She pulled me into the hallway of the apartment. She came close and then she started to whisper. "She's just a little filly. Be careful what you say. We can't tell her that her mother might be in danger." "Alright then. If this is such a delicate process, then you get information out of her." "No, I can't do it—" I would have listened further, but I was too busy running over to stop that delicate filly. She had grabbed a chair and was attempting to turn the stove on again. I picked her off the chair and moved it away. Then it dawned on me. Cloudkicker went missing sometime yesterday. There was a good chance that this filly hadn't eaten all night. I asked her if she was hungry, and she weakly nodded. "Pinkie, you're a baker right? Can you make this filly something to eat, I can't cook for sh—for sunshine," I said. Pinkie came in, beaming. Her mouth showed happiness, but her eyes showed intense worry. I must admit that I was heading there myself. It looked like there was some kind of struggle in here. Hell, it looked like there was a revolution. While Pinkie made the filly some food, I decided to look around. Maybe I could find some clues as to where Cloudkicker would have gone to. The papers and receipts didn't give me many clues. Most of them were of grocery bills months old. In short, nothing helpful. I tried to go in what I presumed to be Cloudkicker's room, but the filly—Violet, as I learned—wouldn't let me, claiming that "no one was allowed in Mom's room." It was hard taking her seriously with a face covered with macaroni and cheese. And unfortunately, the only clues that I would be getting would have to be in Cloudkicker's room because there wasn't any piece of information to be found anywhere else. "Thanks Ms. Pie. I was really hungry," said Violet. "Oh, it's no problem at all." "I'm going to ask around the building. Maybe the neighbors know something," I said. Then I lowered my voice. "You ask her if she knows anything." Before Pinkie could stop me I was in the hall and knocking on neighboring doors. Most of the apartments were empty or their inhabitants didn't seem to care enough to answer. I eventually made my way to apartment 312, way down on the other side of the hall. I knocked and waited. I was about to return towards Cloudkicker's apartment in defeat before I heard a latch being undone. "Oh Cloudkicker, you're back!" said the stallion who opened the door. Then he saw me. "Oh, you're not Cloudkicker. What do you want?" "To ask about Cloudkicker. If you haven't heard, she's gone missing." "Of course I've heard. I was the one who reported her missing. What's it to you?" Perhaps it was time for a little bit of intimidation. I showed my badge. He took a good look at it, and a surge of shock shot through his expression. He took another good look at my badge, probably hoping to change the reality before him. No matter how hard he tried it wouldn't change. There was a homicide investigator at his doorstep after he reported a missing pony. "You d-don't think that she's... do you?" he asked me, never taking his eyes away from the badge. "That depends. Can I ask you a few questions?" He nodded and let me into his apartment. He guided me towards his sofa. He asked me if I wanted refreshments of any kind, but I I declined. I saw him sweating and fumbling with a teapot anywhere. A small smirk came to my mouth. I had an idea, and I was loving where I thought that it would take me. "A bit nervous, aren't we?" "Well yeah. Someone tells me one of my friends might have been murdered, of course I'm going to be nervous!" he shot at me. Then he shook his head. "Cloudkicker was a friend of yours?" "What do you mean 'was?'" he said, turning towards me. "I thought you said you didn't know if she was dead or not!" "Sorry, I misspoke," I said calmly. "But either way, you two are friends?" "Yeah, she's pretty. Um pretty great I mean," he said, turning back towards his teapot. "Sounds like a bit more than a friendship," I said, raising my eyebrow. "Yeah I wish," he said hopefully. His voice changed gears into a sarcastic tone. "Yeah I wish." "Her apartment showed signs of a struggle. Pictures were cracked and knocked crooked, papers were all over the floor. Honestly, it looked like a disaster area." "I-it's always like that. 'Why bother to clean it up if it'll just get messy again?' She's always bumping into things like those pictures. I swear her wings are of two different sizes. Wait a minute, you were in her apartment?" "Yeah, and do you know what I found? A filly trying to operate a gas stove. I don't think I have to tell you what might have happened if I didn't get there when I did," I said, and almost as if on que the teapot whistled. He shut it off, and then he turned towards me. "Cloudkicker was only supposed to be gone for an hour. Two at the most. And that was last night. She couldn't get a foalsitter on such short notice so she asked me to check up on Violet every once in awhile." "And you did a bang up job at that! When I got in there that filly probably hadn't eaten for the better part of a day." "What would you have wanted me to do?" "Oh I don't know, maybe what you were asked to and actually checked up on her! What do you think Cloudkicker would say about that? You're lucky that I didn't stumble upon a burnt corpse." "Violet wouldn't let me in, what do you want from me!?" "You're familiar with Pinkie Pie, right? Why would Violet let her into the apartment, and not you, someone Cloudkicker trusted to keep an eye on her filly?" "Because everypony knows Pinkie! She's friends with everypony. Violet knows her, as does Cloudkicker. They like her better than me, sue me." "I'm going to do more than that, I'm going to have you arrested for child neglect. You knowingly left a filly alone in that apartment all night. I don't care if she wouldn't let you in, she was your responsibility, and you find a way to meet that responsibility." "N-no, you can't!" the stallion stepped back. "Then tell me what happened yesterday. What I know is that Cloudkicker unexpectedly left yesterday. After some time, you reported her missing. The apartment showed signs of a struggle. You claim that Violet wouldn't let you into the apartment, but she easily let me and Pinkie in." "You can't seriously be suggesting that I—?" "Tell me what happened." "O-okay. Last night, I think that it was around seven. Cloudkicker came to my apartment, saying that her work called her in. She said that she'd only be gone for an hour, two at the most—I swear! I asked her if somepony else was watching her, but she said that it was too short notice to get a foalsitter. Everytime I tried to check in on Violet, she wouldn't open the door. At ten I reported her missing, and this morning at six I did it again." "Where does Cloudkicker work?" "At the Mandeas Warehouse. It's just a twenty minute flight, er ten minute drive from here." Finally, this case was moving forward. Category:Miscellaneous